i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
And then my night got REAL pukey
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
