Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
