i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
