It's like a parade of train wrecks.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
