if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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