Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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