hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Randomize
