I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
