I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize
