I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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