i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
