Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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