i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize