Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I just got carded by a ten year old.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
