Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
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so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
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It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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