First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
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I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
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It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
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