Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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