shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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