you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
