My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
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