Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Randomize
