Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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