Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
