Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
