We're like a lot better than the average bears
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
