this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
