woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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