matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
