Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
