im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
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