i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
