Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
