mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
