Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
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I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
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I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.