i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
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Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
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I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
i've created a new STD.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick