Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything