If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.