did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night