would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.