O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
This is the high leading the old right now
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
