I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
