i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
