i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
