If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
