erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
