Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
