I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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