How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
