waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I want her autograph on my taint
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
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