genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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