You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
We left the knife in your bed.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
