Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
