I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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