Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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