actually, I'm a sock model
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
