he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
