Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
and you fell through a lawn chair
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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