This is not my ceiling
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
His hands were made for my vagina.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
