Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Randomize
