Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm like, not good at living.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
