drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
