I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
