Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Best friends brother. Beat that.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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