i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
vagina is talking i cant
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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