We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
