should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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