It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
