please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
