I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
