watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
