For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
